Friday, March 7, 2014
I'm sorry to be losing track of time lately and haven't been updating this space for a while! So much photos and so much things to share with you people!
Life have been amazingly great and many things have been different now. Yes I do look back at many incidents that have happened and I tell myself that it'll always be my stepping stones to make me a better person. I'm no longer going to allow the damages to stop me from moving forward and I'm no longer going to close myself up because of being afraid.
So keep a look out for updates.... x
Friday, February 7, 2014
What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?
And all we have we lose?
I don't want you to go but I want you so
So tell me what we choose
My MacBook is down again and sadly I've so many things to blog about but I can't do so without it :-( it's been really frustrating that my MacBook keeps breaking down on me and I have to keep formatting all my stuffs all over again... :(
On a side note. Time is flying really really fast and I'm going to graduate soon. Quite scary that it's already 8th of February. On the other hand, I'm going on a vacation in 2 weeks time!!! 2014 is full of fear, yet surprises and excitement! Can't wait for what is there for me.
' be brave and follow your fears '
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Top & Skirt from Bangkok
Shoes from shoplastbusride.com
Necklace from h&m
I've so much going through my head and if someone come close to figure out what are all my thoughts, I might make someone cry. Don't really know what's going on with me lately, but I've been thinking a lot about things.
It's not that I'm all upset and all now. I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm in a good state. It's just that so much have happened made me think. I'm always terrified about allowing people into my life again and telling myself that, ' they might be different '. I'm not just talking about relationship, I mean like friendships and too... I don't wanna let someone in and grow so attached to them, and when they leave, I'm left with nothing. The feeling when you felt you lost the world, the feeling of lost when you felt like you're trapped in a maze. I was stuck in that state for a while. And during that period I was bad. I went drinking almost every weekend thinking that I could forget, but instead it makes me think more and makes me dwell in the past more. I was that bad that I was always crying. And during that period, I wasn't really in a good shape. All I want to do is to seek comfort, and feel a little better about me. And what really pulled me up from the whole mess up situation was, I felt like I had enough. Enough of the crying, enough of feeling all mess up, enough of getting drunk all upset and don't even know what I can do about myself. I woke up one day telling myself that this shouldn't be the way. I shouldn't be dreading everyday of my life because I'm afraid to face all the problems I have in my life. I woke up one day, telling myself it's time to face it. Learn to accept things. I had a very very very tough and rough period during that whole time. I lost someone that I was v close with, lost friends that I kept so close to my heart. But all this kind of woke me up. It made me learnt from the mistakes I've made, the way I make people feel about them, the way I handle my problems. I did quite a bit of reflection on myself and I told myself this, ' I'll never repeat all those mistakes I did way before that. I'll never repeat mistakes that will allow myself to sink deeper, I'll never repeat mistakes that will stab myself in the heart again. '
But it's ironic again, I'm a human. I wanna be loved too. I don't wanna just shut my doors because of my past that made me scared and terrified. I don't wanna just ignore the world because it made me felt so terrible before. I want to believe that this is still a beautiful place and there's still many things that I can have faith in. I'm still learning. Learning about the process to overcome boundaries, the boundaries I had with allowing people in.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I've learnt so much during this period, and I realized how scary this world can be. How scary humans can get, how dislike can turn into hatred, how people wanna bring each other down because of things, how people can kill each other despite so many other things. I'm not an angel. Not saying that I've never did anything wrong. But I'm just shocked. I've never expected the worst from the people I always expect the least from. So many things that have opened up my eyes and allow me to take a look at the reality, but in my heart, I always want to believe that this place is still filled with warmth, filled with love. I don't wanna let go of the world because of this, I don't wanna give up on the rest because of this. I wanna believe that there's still love and there's still reasons to love. I always choose to love, instead of hate. Because hating is too exhausting.
In my heart, there's always shadows of them, the shadows of people that left the happiest memories. Thank you.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Thought of a lot of things today, and I felt that I did screwed up a lot in the past few months when I was weak and vulnerable. I used to be so stubborn that I wouldn't even want to move out from that state, but I'm thankful that today, I am out of that state. I used to be in a state whereby, I just want to numb myself from everything else, avoiding problems, avoiding things, avoiding the world, just trying to push everything away, push everything aside because of me being selfish about my own feelings. Because of how I feel, I screw up things. Because of how I feel, I became so selfish. I know I did hurt a few people unintentionally during that state, those that really really care about me, I'm really sorry, really sorry for being so selfish that time that I thought I could stop the time for myself and just keep dwelling about things that shouldn't matter anymore.
I told myself today. For all these mistakes that I've made, it'll be a stepping stone for me. I'll use them to push myself forward, motivate myself, telling myself I'm not going to hit the bottom again. The feeling of hitting the bottom is really... really bad. I regret those times because of certain selfish decisions of mine, I've to face consequences that I will suffer. And, decisions. I should make decision wisely. I should always think twice before I do anything. Not to go near something with thorns knowing that you'll get hurt. Knowing where is the better place, better decision, better choice.
I'm really glad, that.. I'm looking at things in a different perspective now. Really glad that.. I'm happier now, it's been so many months ever since everything have been going down, but I'm glad that, at least now, many other things are fixed, and I always believe that good days will comeby after the rain.
Setting priorities right, setting goals, making my way to achieve them.
(feeling very motivated today)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Crochet Tube Top From www.shoplastbusride.com
Hologram Skirt from Bangkok
Shoes from www.shoplastbusride.com
Clutch from Bangkok
So this was my Saturday last week,
went over to Jon's 21st birthday party
and manage to catch up with a few friends that haven't met for a long time!!
And the theme of the party was actually futuristic but however my friends were all dressed in like florals and casual :( oh well but i guess i did tried my best to follow the theme?
It's finally thursday!!
One more day to friday and one more draggy long day of school,
can't wait for the weekends to come already!!
I've been pretty excited for what 2014 have for me... because I'm going to graduate from school in 2 months' time... and time passes so fast :(
Can't wait to go on a vacation after my graduation!
till then, x