havent felt so low, felt so bad in a long time.
and today, i felt it all over again.
i felt like giving up on every single hope i've within me and i was about to crush myself.
it's always like this. the positivity drys out every now and then.
always, to myself, " things will be okay, it will. it will. "
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
i felt like all my bones in my body are aching all over again and every heartbeat hurts. i felt so suffocated. i felt so unusual. i felt like i've not been me, myself for a long time. i felt like i've been putting up a happy smile a happy face for quite a bit, quite a while. i've been neglecting on everything that i've ever love, i've been neglecting on things that i really wanted and really want.
i'm exploding. right now. i'm always like the girl that needs to run into some secured and comforting arms each time this happens. but no, i came to a point i realised that i might not be able to do this anymore. i may not be able to have anymore comforting arms to run to. when i'm young, i fall, i bleed, i cry. i run to my parents. but how about now? i can't always rely on others to help me when i'm bad when i'm on my worst days… i'm exploding. i'm feeling all the sadness. all the suffocation. all the every single bit of it.
i hate myself. each time when i'm positive. so positive. the positivity don't last forever.
can i love myself better?
i can't breathe… i need some fresh air.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Just some random thoughts for the night that lead me here writing my thoughts out…
I'm currently working / having like a short term internship and in my life right now all i see is people between the age of 20-50 doing the same thing, same routine, same shit every single day…
It makes me wonder. Do we have to do this or whatever we've been doing for the rest of our life? Or getting stuck with an office job from 9-630 everyday.. doing the same thing, facing the same computer screen?
In my head, I talk to myself, thank god i know that i am not going to do this for the rest of my life. I'm not saying that working in the office is bad, or having an office job is bad… but however all i felt that most of us are just working for the sake of working, working for the sake of the money, for the sake of living and for the sake that we'll want to survive here and we'll want to survive through.
It's sad how most of us or most of the people couldn't choose what they really love to do, or choose what to pursue in their life. I used to really felt lost about myself and about me. I was lost to a point that I got so depressed and all i thought was giving up. But in my life, I don't wanna choose to just live a life doing things for the sake of doing. I wanna enjoy my life. I wanna enjoy this life, and i wanna do and definitely to pursue what I love. Yes as many know, I'm a kind of a realistic person. I look at things in a realistic way, however that doesn't stop me from dreaming, that doesn't stop me from wanting to pursue my dream. I often question everyone around me, who are usually a few years older than me, what do you intend to do? what are your plans? 70% of the people will answer me with this, " I don't know. "
Many of us here just pursue our studies in order to get a stable job, a stable pay, everything that keeps you stable and you get stuck in something you don't like for so long. I feel suffocated. I want to pursue what I really love and do what I love. I don't want to answer my life with answers like, I don't know. What if? But then… and so on and forth.
I'm hoping and praying that everything will go smoothly and go in my way. I've made too much bad decisions in life that I've to suffer from the consequences now.
But I'm always believing that. There'll always be good days. There'll always be better days ahead.
If you are willing to work hard, willing to work your ass off for what you love.
Monday, June 30, 2014
I can't express how inspired i am feeling right now, it's kind of a sort of change of style but i'm a little way too excited and happy to show it to you girls! Lbr will be bringing in something different from what we usually will, and we'll be showing a small range of it to you girls soon. I've known nothing about it previously and despite certain lessons that I've learnt from everywhere and anywhere, I've gotten my inspiration to source and to design again. It's been really long since i felt this way. Lately, I've been really tired and really been exhausted from everything that I've been working on and it seems like I've found a way to get out of everything and to stop relying so much on others. Now I've learnt that I've to start growing flowers in my own yard while waiting for others to bring me, meaning in short, it means, I should start working on myself, and on my own instead of waiting for people to spoon feed me.
It's just a sudden thought that my inspirations and everything else are flowing through my mind.
and, I've been really happy lately. really really happy.
though how hard / how dark clouds are,
things always will end good if you believe.
that's what has been keeping me going. despite how hard things might be, how hard things are,
continue to push yourself. continue to work even harder.
this post is kinda random but i just wanna share my happiness!!
"don't lose yourself in your fears"
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
So what has happened after my previous post? :)
So there were lunch dates, many of ootd(s), and definitely everyone is noticing something!
I'm dressing up a little more feminine now?
Haha i guess it's because due to my intern currently, i'm learning to love midi(s), long dress length and learning to appreciate long sleeves better now. I never like them when I was 17. Never a fan of such apparels however I kind of love them now.
And I guess this will adjust a little of what I'll bring in for lbr? But not to worry alright everyone!!!
There'll be still stuffs for everyone with different style like what I've been usually sourcing around for and I've been working on some stuffs for lbr now and i'm really excited to share with you all!!
And after near to 2 months of not heading out late,
I went out with my girls last weekend to party!
I cannot imagine I'm saying this but…. I feel old when I'm in the club. Perhaps it's because of the environment I'm in now…. just felt so old. And can i say that I've been leading a really healthy lifestyle because I've to be disciplined and my body clock is sort of fixed?
I've been a half human for a while trying to cope with everything but however things might have been hard for a while…. but i can feel that good things are starting to happen again.
always after every difficult time, there'll always be something that will start to bloom and i'm always believing in that.
Finally I'll be taking a break for a few days in July!!
there'll be more exciting stuffs coming upppppp so stay tune everyone! ;)
Oh yes, not to forget! We've already restocked many popular items!!!
and backorders have also arrived,
grab yours today!
And one last thing before I sign off, it was 22nd few days back, and happy 3rd month bae.
no one might not know how much you meant to me but thank you for always believing in me despite how hard everything can be. despite how tough things can be. i used to be such a girl that couldn't even overcome her own insecurities and her own inner fears and couldn't even love herself in the right way, but you believed in me and you stood by me throughout the whole time. though sometimes you might make me boil, make me feel like all my nerves are going to burst, but i still love you in all ways. i still love the little things about you and every part of you.
thank you for holding onto me. as always. love you j.
Kind of proud of myself that I'm getting back on track with everything and finally I'm ready to fight a war against everything again. Feeling all motivated and feeling all ready to get everything started like how it was again.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
So how's everyone doing!! I've a long list of photos and I really wanna clear the memory space in ma phone! So yup yup!!
1) random partying / party photos / Showtek / TGIW
So recently have been... Partying more than usual and last Saturday was one of the best mix that I've ever heard!! Showtek was really good. Hehe but what's the best part about partying is, you're with the best people to be around with? :) it's really been long since I've met these girls and really been long since we've all met up and chit chat and talk about life! Glad that we managed to do that!
2) strangers reunion
Outfit: decked in - www.shoplastbusride.com
Bag - Bangkok
Accessories - Balenciaga
Headband - Forever 21
This was last Sunday! My random impromptu dinner with Seemin and we went over to strangers reunion to try out the truffle fries and their waffles!! Hehehe recently my appetite has been quite good and have been eating all kind of good food!! I'll rate strangers reunion a 9/10? As they do have a variety of food and desserts that you can choose from!!
Besides, really good environment to catch up with your old friends!!! Had a long talking session with Seemin and things never gets old!
3) Wimbly Lu
So met up with this girl that I haven't seen since forever and we travelled all the way down from west to north-south part of SG and we had waffles and dinner at Wimbly Lu! I'll rate it at 7/10 to be honest :'( cause their dinner section is really too little... Too little of choices! It's more like a cafe than a restaurant!! Rating it a 7 cause I really love how the waffles are made! It's really crispy on the outside yet it's soft in the inside and it's really rare to find such waffles (coming from a girl who don't get sick of waffles)!!! But I really had a great time by just sitting around and chilling ☺️☺️☺️
These days are gold and I'm really thankful for all those people that are making me really happy in my life and thank you ☺️ Feeling all motivated once again like my dark clouds have been removed and I'm really to take on a new journey!!! Though it might be temporal, but I'm really looking forward to what's ahead of me!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
'' they say that, the most unexpected relationships are the best. And, this is one of the most unexpected one that I'll ever thought of, I'm thankful for you and I'm blessed to have you. Thank you for always holding onto me despite all the rough times and all the tough times, thank you for not giving up on the tough days. You make me want to become a better person, and you pulled me out of a mess that I'll never thought I'll ever get out from. Thank you for helping me to overcome obstacles within myself that I'll never thought I'll ever be able to, thank you for always constantly pushing me forward each time when I'm feeling v disheartening, each time when I'm feeling all hopeless. I love you j. and thank you for your love, and every single moment keeping me secured and assured. I wanna hold your hand and walk through all the bad days, all the good days. I wanna smile with you on the good days, and walk with you through all the toughest period. Thank you for always keeping me reassured every single time despite knowing that I'm always so paranoid about everything. Thank you for always keeping me secured about all my insecurities and having me make sure that I'm always not upset, make sure that I'm alright before heading to do smth. Thank you for not giving up on me thou the days have been so rough and tough and it wasn't always sail smoothly, days when I wanna give up on everything, thank you for always pushing me through and pushing me forward. From all the little strolls, staying up the late at night together just for the company of each other, gazing stars together, talking about dreams and future together, surprising me on valentine day, little surprises that you do for me, all the little handmade cards, I love you Joshua. Happy 1st bae. And many more to come. ''