Top & Skirt from Bangkok
Necklace from h&m 

I've so much going through my head and if someone come close to figure out what are all my thoughts, I might make someone cry. Don't really know what's going on with me lately, but I've been thinking a lot about things. 

It's not that I'm all upset and all now. I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm in a good state. It's just that so much have happened made me think. I'm always terrified about allowing people into my life again and telling myself that, ' they might be different '. I'm not just talking about relationship, I mean like friendships and too... I don't wanna let someone in and grow so attached to them, and when they leave, I'm left with nothing. The feeling when you felt you lost the world, the feeling of lost when you felt like you're trapped in a maze. I was stuck in that state for a while. And during that period I was bad. I went drinking almost every weekend thinking that I could forget, but instead it makes me think more and makes me dwell in the past more. I was that bad that I was always crying. And during that period, I wasn't really in a good shape. All I want to do is to seek comfort, and feel a little better about me. And what really pulled me up from the whole mess up situation was, I felt like I had enough. Enough of the crying, enough of feeling all mess up, enough of getting drunk all upset and don't even know what I can do about myself. I woke up one day telling myself that this shouldn't be the way. I shouldn't be dreading everyday of my life because I'm afraid to face all the problems I have in my life. I woke up one day, telling myself it's time to face it. Learn to accept things. I had a very very very tough and rough period during that whole time. I lost someone that I was v close with, lost friends that I kept so close to my heart. But all this kind of woke me up. It made me learnt from the mistakes I've made, the way I make people feel about them, the way I handle my problems. I did quite a bit of reflection on myself and I told myself this, ' I'll never repeat all those mistakes I did way before that. I'll never repeat mistakes that will allow myself to sink deeper, I'll never repeat mistakes that will stab myself in the heart again. ' 

But it's ironic again, I'm a human. I wanna be loved too. I don't wanna just shut my doors because of my past that made me scared and terrified. I don't wanna just ignore the world because it made me felt so terrible before. I want to believe that this is still a beautiful place and there's still many things that I can have faith in. I'm still learning. Learning about the process to overcome boundaries, the boundaries I had with allowing people in. 

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